I Still Want My Coat.

She enters Pa Adeniyi’s cab all soaked and wet from the heavy downpour. Her wet clothes cling to her shapely figure. The septuagenarian behind the wheel, Pa Adeniyi obviously has seen a lot of prostitutes before in his time and has had his fair share of women of the streets. This young lady sitting at the back of his car is different though. She is not only sexy but beautiful, a rare combination for women in this line of trade. Pa Adeniyi’s throat becomes dry when he looks at her skin. It’s radiant and alluring. It is begging to be caressed, stroked, kissed and bitten. The lady removes her drenched top revealing her green bra which flaunts her ample cleavage. Pa Adeniyi is aroused, his brain pumps blood to a part of his body that he thought had permanently gone flaccid a few years ago. She brings out a new top from her bag and wears it. It’s tighter and more seductive. Flick! A hot orange flame from her lighter burns her cigarette. Her cherry painted lips part evenly to allow nicotine escape. Pa Adeniyi is scoping her from his rear view mirror. She looks up and sees him looking at her. Their eyes meet. She lets out a small grin. Embarrassed, Pa Adeniyi focuses on the road ahead. Out of the blue, the voluptuous vixen leaves her seat at the back and moves to the passenger’s seat. She holds his left hand. “Park” says the lady. The old man doesn’t argue. She comes close to him and says “don’t worry baba I will treat you good”. Pa Adeniyi thanks his lucky stars for the wonderful night he is about to have. 3 days later.

“Who be you guys? Una dey craze abi? Who una be? Abeg comot for my front, una dey delay better people for back!” yells the club bouncer to the two guys in their late teens standing in front of him, hoping to enter the club. Just as the taller of the duo is about to plead with the group of bouncers to let them in, people start screaming. They turn back to see what the commotion is all about. The sudden burst of activity seems to be centered on one tall man who is in the middle of a group of people. “His face looks familiar” says the smaller guy in the duo. The man and his entourage move towards the entrance of the club. As the smaller bloke is about to utter the word ‘D’Prince’ they are shoved aside by the bouncers who make way for the Mo’ Hits artiste and his posse. There is a slight stampede as groupies, famzers and all sorts want a piece of the star. A few of the star-crazy lot trample on the two guys. Their cheeks bruise the asphalt.

Meet Emeka and Yinka, both 17 and attend Sodipo Memorial School (a school where all the rich brats and trust fund kids go to). However, while they attend the richest school in the Lagos metropolis they reside in the lowest rung in the school’s social ladder. They are geeks, socially awkward, shy and social outcasts. They never go to parties ‘cos they are never invited. To cut a sad story short, they are nobodies at S.M.S. With 2 weeks to their prom and no dates they decide to take life by its balls. Unfortunately their night of debauchery has just gone up in smoke.

They head back to the white BMW 3 series which belongs to Emeka’s father dejected, their shoulders slumped as they cross the road. All they wanted was one night for them to be socially acceptable and not be treated like social lepers. They have been mocked for years, laughed at and bullied. Tonight all they wanted was to be cool and hip so they planned to hit one of the hottest clubs in Gidi, Apex. Tonight had other plans though.

Emeka brings out the car keys from his blue denim jacket and the car comes to life. “Let’s head home” says Yinka dejectedly as he opens the door of the passenger’s side and enters the vehicle. Emeka looks at the club with a glint of despair in his eyes. Sigh. Someone taps him from the back. Startled he jumps and throws the key to the BMW to the ground. “Oops sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you” says a soft feminine voice. “Sure you didn’t” mumbles a shy Emeka as he kneels down to pick the key. Beside the car key are a pair of blood red 6 inch stilettos which have the hottest pair of legs on them. Emeka can’t help but stare at her sexy caramel legs. She is wearing the shortest of skirts, a black one. His eyes trail her caramel legs all the way into the dark area that he knows lies the erotic wonderland. There are no street lights so he can’t tell if she is going commando but he does know that is where he wants to be. Her body is shaped like a guitar.”What’s going on here?” asks Yinka as he gets out of the car. “Sorry, I wanted to ask if he had a lighter on him” says the soft-spoken lady. “Oh I…see” says Yinka. As he gets close enough to see her face he has what the Italians call the ‘thunderbolt’.

Apex club is packed from the window to the wall. Oxygen is scarce. Sweat pores are working overtime. Nicotine and weed have mixed to create a narcotic fog in the club. In the voice of the late Bernie Mac “people are getting higher than a motherfucker.” The schizophrenic gibberish in the intro of Give It To Me by D’Prince kicks in and people lose their freaking minds. Lazer lights and the sparklers attached to really pricey bottles illuminate the dark dance floor. It’s one big musical orgy as guys dry hump their female counterparts. Rayce’s Roll takes over and in 10 minutes the dancing reaches an orgasmic nirvana created by tracks with fast bpms and seductive hooks. Emeka and Yinka, sitting by the bar take all this in with the eyes of neophytes. Tinuke was able to get them in after talking to the club’s bouncers. Their virgin eyes soak it all in.

“So what are you goody two shoes doing here? You are very far from the crooked and narrow path” says Tinuke as she lights a blunt by the poolside of Apex. “You guys sure don’t look like you do this on the regular as a matter of fact I am guessing you guys don’t get out much.” The boys are slightly embarrassed. “Here, take, smoke some”. She hands the weed to Yinka. He takes the joint from her but is reluctant to smoke it. “Smoke, it doesn’t kill” says Tinuke as she tries to convince Yinka to smoke. He looks at Emeka whose face isn’t entirely reassuring. He smokes it. Coughs. Coughs. Coughs. His virgin lungs react to the cannabis. “Aww my poor baby let me help you” says Tinuke like an affectionate mum. She comes close to Yinka to the point where her breasts are quite close to his face. She collects the blunt from him and takes a deep drag. She then grabs Yinka’s neck hard and kisses him exhaling the smoke in his mouth. “Yeah baby smoke that shit” urges Tinuke.

30 minutes later Yinka is puffing that Jamaican herb and is high, laughing like a dude who finally gets a joke after all these years. Tinuke, Yinka and Emeka are engaging in a puff puff pass session by the pool. “So the way I look at it, the world is filled with assholes and everyday they are just shitting on me” says Emeka. “All our lives we have been made fun of ‘cos we are book smart and stuff like that. Girls in school always laugh at us and the guys bully us everyday. It’s pathetic really”. It seems the weed has emboldened Emeka as he talks on the social hardships they face in school. Yinka passes the weed to Emeka and gets a few things off his chest too. “You know this is the best day of our lives. In our wildest dreams we never could imagine that we could be talking to a beautiful woman like you and party in a place like this. I guess we expect the worst things to happen to us because we have been treated like scum for so long. When I die and get to heaven I would love to ask God why he created assholes. When I was in SS1, I gathered up the courage to write a love letter to Aminat- a girl in our school that I had a crush on for 2 years. Do you know what the silly twat did after I gave her that letter? She read it out loud in front of the class. Their laughters pierced through my skull. I am going to be somebody someday and when that day comes I will make sure Aminat kneels down and kisses my Chihuahua puppies.”  Tinuke and Emeka burst out laughing. “What? Chihuahua puppies? You must be out of your mind. You are definitely high” laughs Tinuke. “You know what? I probably am” says Yinka. He removes his green Toms and screams “make way…make way” then jumps into the pool. “Woohoo…yes baby” shouts Tinuke. She removes her stilettos and dives into the swimming pool too. “What are you waiting for?” asks Yinka to Emeka. Tinuke implores him to join them in the pool. “What the heck” blurts Emeka. He removes his denim jacket and his pair of Adidas sneakers. “Please can you help me hold this?” Emeka hands his blunt to a bewildered female patron of the club and dives in. A few minutes later three wet individuals; two guys and a sexy babe are dancing to Dr. Sid’s Over The Moon. The babe is in between the two guys and they are grinding to the sweet music. “The way you dance all over me, the way you dance all over me, the way you dance all over me, dey make me kolo eh, dey make me kolo eh”. Yinka slowly moves his hands from Tinuke’s waist to her ass, while she puts her hands all over Emeka’s crotch region who is drinking straight from a bottle of Henny as he dances. They groove to the loud music with no care in the world. For Emeka and Yinka the stars in the sky tonight have never been brighter. Tonight is there night…legendary balling.

Emeka’s residence. 4:05am 

Yinka is the first. He opens the door gently. With just his Power Rangers boxers and black socks he steps timidly into the room. The plasma on the wall dimly lights the bedroom. Tinuke’s clothes, pair of shoes and bag are on the floor. He looks at the bed but Tinuke isn’t there. That’s odd; she couldn’t have stepped outside the room without him and Emeka seeing her. “I wonder where she is” says Yinka to himself. Runaway begins to play. The song’s famous intro, Kanye’s eerie tap of a piano key keeps looping continuously instead of the whole song playing. The loop is giving off a scary vibe in the room. Yinka is irritated, the ring tone is giving him goose pimples. He tries to find the source. It’s coming from the bed. He heads there and sees Tinuke’s iPhone blinking and vibrating. He cuts the call. “Scary isn’t it?” Startled, Yinka turns back and sees Tinuke totally naked. “Wow…you scared me. Where have you been?” asks Yinka. “I was hiding in the closet. The ringtone gave you the creeps didn’t it’?” asks Tinuke with a creepy smile. Yinka won’t admit it to her but he was scared. Tinuke comes closer to him, close enough to feel his hard-on. “I see something isn’t scared” says Tinuke. She kisses him then stops. Yinka tries to kiss her but she grabs his mouth and says “I am not here for all this kissy-kissy rubbish. I came here to get fucked.” She pushes him on the bed and removes his boxers. As Wolf Blitzer rambles on about the Arab Spring on CNN, Yinka is lost in the clouds of ecstasy as Tinuke rides him to the summit of sexual pleasure.

5:45am

“So when can we see you again?” asks Yinka as they drop Tinuke off. “Give me your phone” says Tinuke to Yinka. He gives her his Blackberry. She types her address on his phone and gives him back his BB. “Bye guys” she says as she gets down from the Beemah. On their way back home, Emeka remembers he has forgotten his black coat with Tinuke. “Shit!” exclaims Emeka. “What’s the problem?” asks Yinka. “I forgot my black coat with Tinuke. She told me she was cold when we were about to leave the crib, so I gave it to her to wear. Men, I need that coat back, e cost small“. “Don’t kill yourself” says Yinka. “We will go and see her tomorrow at her crib, no biggie”. “True that” replies Emeka. Yinka closes his eyes while Emeka drives. As the sun rises from the East and the cool morning breeze kicks in on their way back home he recollects his first sexual experience that happened just an hour ago.

He didn’t know what he was doing at first. He was nervous and clumsy. “It’s your first time isn’t it? Of course it is” says Tinuke observantly. “Look at me”. Emeka looks at her beautiful black eyes. She grips his waist and he starts thrusting slowly, getting a hang of the rhythm. “Hmmm like that” moans Tinuke. She grabs his butt and pushes him further into her. “Aww” exclaims Emeka as Tinuke’s slippery vaginal walls grip him tighter. “Faster Emeka” commands Tinuke. Emeka increases his speed. Tinuke’s teats jiggle and the bed creaks. “Deeper”. Emeka stops a second. Impatient, Tinuke grabs his ass cheeks and pushes him further into her. Emeka is in a struggle right now. Tinuke is wetter than a pilgrim who just got baptised at the River Jordan. “Aww…Jesus!” exclaims Emeka. His loins are on fire. She isn’t letting go for a minute. She uses her legs to hold his back. A deep sensation is rising inside of him. Its something he has never felt before. His vision disappears, everything in the room fades away, his senses are gone. All he knows is lust, all he hears is lust, all he sees is lust flowing all around him, making him harder and numb. He is drowning in her ocean, trying to maintain his sanity but its a losing battle. “Oh God! I’m cumm…”. Yinka taps Emeka. Yinka opens his right eye. “Yes?”. “Yo dude do you have a closet in your room?” asks Yinka. “Have you ever seen a closet in my room before. Please guy I want to sleep”.

Next Day @ Tinuke’s House. 

Ding! Ding! An old lady probably in her 60’s gets up to answer the door. She opens it and sees two teenagers standing in front of her doorstep. “Yes and how may I help you?” asks Tinuke’s mother. Yinka speaks first. “We are here to see your daughter Tinuke ma”. The old woman shakes her head. “Are you sure its my daughter, Tinuke, you want to see?” “Yes ma its her we want to see” says Emeka. “This my daughter cannot stay in one place” laments her mother. The two guys look at themselves curiously. “Its Tinuke you are asking for abi? Follow me she is at the backyard”. Emeka and Yinka follow her into the house. Its not a bad house really. Its not as beautiful as the mansions they live in but its quite homely and filled with many crucifixes. “What’s that smell?” whispers Emeka to Yinka. “It’s incense, meant to drive away evil spirits” says Tinuke’s mom. She opens a door which leads to the backyard. “So you are looking for Tinuke? There she is”. The old woman points to a grave in the backyard.

R.I.P

TINUKE OGUNSANMI 

1978-1999

“She died 12 years ago” says her mother. “You must have seen her ghost. You two are not the first. Regularly, men come here asking for her. Her spirit is restless. For 12 years her ghost has been roaming around…” Their collective shock drowns out the old woman’s words. The greatest night of their lives has just turned into an episode from Hammer House of Horror. The sudden realization that they had sex with a ghost freezes them on the spot. The wind becomes colder and their breathing becomes harder. A nasty wind blows all across the backyard, shaking the branches of the barren tree close to the grave. The clouds turn grey. Lightning! Thunder! “… she died on a night out with her friends. Ever since she has haunted many of the nite clubs in Lagos” says Tinuke’s mum. Its beginning to drizzle now. “You boys should come in before it begins to rain heavily. You are not the first, neither will you be the last.”  The old woman goes back into the house. “Let’s go” says Yinka. Emeka doesn’t move. Yinka notices that he isn’t following him. “What’s wrong with you now? Let’s go back home”. Emeka points to the grave. Yinka comes close to his side. “What is it?” he asks. Emeka stammers “my…my…co…coa…coat.” Yinka slowly looks towards the grave. He sees it and faints. Someone or something has just put Emeka’s black coat on the grave. Lightning! Thunder! Heavy rain!

THE END.

P.S This story is actually based on a true life story. It actually happened to my father and his friend back in the 70’s. They had an encounter with a ghost (non-sexual though) at a restaurant in Ibadan. Finally after 3 years of re-writes I have been able to deliver a contemporary version of the tale he told me. My version is a little bit embellished for dramatic purposes but one thing I didn’t change was the ending. My father’s friend actually saw his coat on the girl’s grave. Some things in life I cannot explain. I believe ghosts mingle with us everyday posing as human beings.

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23 thoughts on “I Still Want My Coat.”

  1. WOW!!!
    That was so eerie!
    I love your writing and it worries me more that it was based on a true story. I don’t want to go clubbing in Nigeria now. :-/
    My favourite similie was the description of how wet she was, thought that was hilarious.
    Well done boo. Another absolute corker.
    xx

  2. LOOOOOOOOOOL
    This is quite funny
    Mos def off nollywood
    Ghosts are real. .heard not seen tho
    Don’t pray to see biko!
    Nice tale

  3. I did my secondary schooling in ibadan and one of my teachers gave us this very same account of a friend of he’s that slept with his ex gf who happened to be a ghost at that time…

  4. Hmm, deep sturvs.

    The end was surely worth the extreme length… especially when you added the fact that it was based on a true story.

    That just ‘certified’ the greatness of this post.

  5. Even though it was long i couldn’t stop reading it.I totally love this,scary though it was.The stuff of Nigerian urban legends.Nice twist. 🙂
    I heard a story like this once.

  6. my niggar you are just tooo much, wetin all these nollywood producer they do about you?, dem suppose don kiddnap you put for one separate house make dem come put gun for your head so that you go they write stories give them by force oooooo…….lolz

  7. Its always good to live a life of no condemnation,taking a step at a time.God has good purpose for all of us,HIM alone can guide out and through life’s mysteries unruffled.

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